Tuesday, Nov. 12, 2002 - 1:53 p.m.

ive realized my worst three fears are 1) getting married / or getting married to the wrong person 2) growing old and 3) death. those are only my WORST fears. i have a hell lot of just FEARS.

to me, getting married means getting old. and getting old means death. when ur single, u dont grow old. i don't know why my mentality is such, but thats the truth. ive been hiding the fact from myself for a long time, but now i'm just like what the heck, admit it already.

its the environment that i've grown up in, its led me to believe that when you get married your overburdened with hardships and trials, tribulations and misery, and so, you can't take it anymroe and you grow old and sad with each passing day till the final heart attack strikes you. bam, your dead.

maybe there are happy marriages after all. but i just cant believe the happily married couples are actually happy. to me, its all fake. i wish everything was clear and filtered thru the fakeness.

and death, death is just plain skary, the bad full of sins person that i am.