Tuesday, Nov. 05, 2002 - 4:28 pm

So like, today’s the first Taraweeh. Wow, Ramadan’s here. Everyone is so excited, but I’m just like, blah. My imaan is so low these days, its scary. I sure hope Ramadan helps me regain every bit of my strength and imaan. It’s just that, it’s gonna be hard, really hard, Ramadan is gonna be full of memories from last year.

I don’t know how I’m going to be able to get through it without going insane. Insha’Allah. I hope all goes well. Ah who am I kidding? I always comfort myself with that phrase “Insha’allah everything will work out” but inside in my heart I know its merely a phrase, a fragment of words, that mean nothing to my heart soul and mind except jumbled letters.

I’ve planned on attending all the taraweehs at the mosque. Last year, I had trouble doing my prayers because I was so lazy. I kept slacking off. In a masjid, there’s a lot of encouragement because there’s a lot of people around you who’re praying, and it feels embarrassing to just sit there. So I’m hoping at least the embarrassment factor will gimme a push. It’s good for starters I guess. Although I do have a true intention of getting better spiritually and mentally, at least a little bit. If not a whole lot.

Like I said, I think its good for starters.

It’s been raining all day long. I think it rained all night too, tho wouldn’t be too sure about that. I slept like I was drugged. Well I was drugged actually. Two Atarax’s. muahahha! Go Two Atarax. it knocks me out bad, hell not just me, anybody. Knocks you out BAD, you’ll wanna sleep straight for 24 hours, I swear. If you don’t, you’ll feel an immense amount of fatigue all throughout your day. Anyway, I was prescribed this med a while back, eventually I stopped taking it. I had two bottles, with 3 refills. Yippe! It rocks. Badass stuff!

Now I just take it to fall asleep. Once upon a time, my mom found out I was using too many of ‘em so she hid them away. But she i made up some excuse and got ‘em back.

GO Atarax!!!!

So I took that last night, two of ‘em, it only works when u take two, for me anyway. DON’T NOBODY TRY IT OUT AND GET ME IN TROUBLE! Cuz if you take more than two you’ll have a seizure. Besides, it’s a prescription drug anyways.

I slept too much. Felt good. Good part about it is you don’t dream when you take this medication, so its more effective. Dreams can tense or cause fatigue to the brain and disturb your sleep, especially bad dreams.

So I woke up at 9, had breakfast roamed around, then went to my bed to SIT for a while, but I fell asleep. It was weird. I mean, its supposed to be like that anyways. You fall asleep without knowing it.

And then I woke up at 2. ahem! I haven’t slept so long for like, like, a year or 2 now.

Then afshan called but I had yet to pray, and eat. I did that, but I forgot to call her back and came online instead. Well, I’ll just call you in the evening girl. Cuz we’re notallowed to call sun till the evening remember?

Tho I should admit I broke the rule a bazillion times.

I love candles! Scented candles, any kinda candles. I lighted lots of ‘em today, cuz the day was gloomy and gray. Hey that’s rhymes! Heh. Anyway, my bro kept trying to move them here and there, I got pissed cuz the cats were curios and wanted to check the candles out. Eve actually tried touching the flame. Stupid cat! I caught her just in time tho, Alhamdulillah.

And then later my mom started complaining that the carbon was suffocating. So she just blew ‘em out. =( too bad huh?

Well one day I’ll get my apartment in the city and burn candles all day and night. Aight then! Jus me and mah candles! Candles zindabad!

Like, dream on. Hey I can dream, that’s not a sin is it?

But like, I left the candle in my room burning but my stupid bro kept moving it! Kids these days, I tellyou. Eventually my mom got mad and blew it out. eee! Still my room smells of candles, nice candles, relaxing scents etc.

I was tthinking of getting all there aromatherapy candles. See what it does. It sounds like it’d refresh the body mind and soul. Hmm. Gonna buy some and try ‘em out these days.

Insha’Allah.

So anyway, Ramadan Mabrook to everybody! Have a nice, peaceful, and joyous Ramadan and make lot of duaa’s. don’t forget me! Have an even better eid!

That’s for everybody cuz theres too many email addresses to send cards too. well actually im bloody lazy (yes I’ve been watching harry potter a LOT) so yeah, that up there is my official Ramadan greeting.

And btw, remember biddahs madem? ROFL. (inside joke)