Friday, Oct. 25, 2002 - 3:47 p.m.

i feel like a robot. everything i've been doing since this morning felt ghostly. i feel my mind & soul are in another world, but my body is here. doing what it's supposed to..

i feel like i'm in a dream.

its weird.

everything is upside down. not just for me, but for everyone. the whole world is in pain. i dunno what's wrong.

people around me are hurting. i'm hurting. so much misery.

everythings going wrong.

where is happiness? i can't find it anywhere. why must all happiness end one day?

this seems to pointless, yet i ramble on about it. i should be used to everything by now, but i dont understand why i'm not.

why must all the good things end one day?

what is the point of life? i don't see any point in living anymore.

there is no way out of this.

why is life so bad to us? how come i deserve this? what went wrong? where did i f*** up? no where? somewhere? everywhere?

there are so many questions, to which there exist no answers at all.

there are words. words of comfort. words that keep you going. for a while. for a little while. in time, you realize you've been lying and f00ling yourself all along.

reality kicks in. you die inside. once. then it all repeats itself over again. you die once again. that's twice.

it goes on till however long you let yourself drown deeper into it.

i was staring at my cereal last night. the bowl was too small, the cereal couldnt fit it.

suddenly, i felt like i was drowning into it.

so absurd.

halloween is coming up. people will wear masks and costumes.

for me, its halloween everyday. pretending, is whats its all about.

i wear an invisible mask. over my heart and mouth. so whatever comes through it is filtered.

in time the hurt froze. there are no more tears left.