Wednesday, Oct. 23, 2002 - 2:15 p.m.

its amazing how blogging and sorting out my thoughts has helped me with my anger, even if its a teeny lil bit. i'm so hooked now, that i cant stand still without writing down my thoughts somewhere, whether it be this journal or my private one. if i'm not online, and thoughts buzz around in my head like bees, i write a simple sentence about whatever it is thats bothering me, and it makes me feel good and calm.

i like that. and it's not often that i feel so good.

i was really mad a second ago. been mad for a while @ someone and something. but i'm not gonna let it get to me. insha'Allah i'm going to try hard, even if it seems my resolutions never seem to end.

which reminds me, ramadan is approaching and i should be making some good new islamic resolutions. well, actually, Allah never said you had to make resolutions at a certain day and start with them, we're supposed to do good deeds and attend to our islamic duties everyday, but i don't know. ramadan just seems like an easier and much more effective way of being able to start being islamic.

i'm not sure if i'm really getting my point across. i don't think i'm making sense to myself.

i've always wondered how some people say that fasting helps them control their desires and what not. i may sound dumb saying this, sucha retard, but it never really helped me. maybe bbecause my imaan is on a much lower level than most people who fast and overpower their desires. yeah..that may be it.

yesterday sun and afshan ditched me on the fone. i was mad. they started talking about a catalogue they both had recieved in the mail. for a while, like the first few seconds, i thought it was alright. i mean they were only discussing clothes and all the girly stuff..

..until it became too much, and they went on about canopy beds and vanity tables, room decorations..etc etc..

so i hung up, and they both got disconnected too because i had three way afshan.

but they called back and apologized. and i was like oookkay.

we cool now.

i had lots more to say other than this stupid ranting, lots more i needed to get out of my system, but i seem to have forgotten most of it.

yess, i was wondering how it would feel to have amnesia. to forget everything, and start all over, never to be haunted by the dark past. its like being born again. i wonder if all the past sins are forgiven. but its amazing tho. how a human being can forget every single detail of his/her life, sometimes even to the extent of their own name, by a simple injury to the delicate part of the brain.

i remember having been obsessed with wanting to forget everything. actually, it was just a while ago. i've started up on another book, yes, my reading habits are slowly coming back. this time, the book is called "the other daughter" by a someone. the book is in my room on my shelf and i'm too lazy to go find it and get its name. so i aint gonna bother. and thanks to my memory.

anyway, its about a family that has a 4 year old girl that gets killed, murdered to be precise. 4 years later they adopt another girl, and she is 9 years old. they supposedly find her at a hospital, beaten up, wounded. the man of the family is a doctor, who treats her, and takes her home with him, adopting her, to be precise. she's had amnesia. but when shes 29 years old, she starts getting flashbacks.

and then..yeah..there's this whole case behind her adoption and the murdered daughter.

skary.

Q of the Day: how do u think blogging has beniffited you? if it has, in anyway, comment away!