Wednesday, Oct. 16, 2002 - 10:56 a.m.

The night before last, I opened both my window and blinds, turned off the light, and lay on my bed. It felt so peaceful, relaxing and just plain good. I felt I was in some other world. I fell asleep like that, and all was good until my brother started crying at night complaining it was too hot, and my dad turned on the air conditioner. I woke up in the middle of the night shivering like crazy, and closed my windows. Everything felt cold, just cold, it was good, but it was cold as hell. It was freezing.

So then yesterday I had this slight cold. But it’s cool now. At least I’d like to think so. Though I did wake up with a sharp pain in my body.

I have this blanket. Its over 10 years old. Almost 12. my dad bought it and we left it at my auntys house when we moved away. Then we moved back to the city where she lives 10 years later, and she gave it to me. Now It’s all ragged, kinda not all of it. It’s a faded pink color.. But I still use that one. My mom keeps telling me to get a new one but that blanket is just so cool and warm and soft. I don’t care if its old. I’m gonna keep it for the rest of my life. I’ll mend it too.

I was supposed to be at the dermatologist today., but the appointment got cancelled because my dad was supposed to go with us but he had to go to Alabama to recover our stolen car. Stupid white dude. my dad and this 20 year old white kid became friends after the dude’s bro kicked him out the house. he moved to Georgia from Alabama and met my dad and my dad found him work, clothes, a place to stay, and gave our car to him so he could use it for the time being. But then he ran away with it. So my dad had to report it to the police. And they found the car a few days ago. So my dads gone to pick it up with my cousin.

But he’s still not in jail. My dad’s gonna forgive him or something.

Yesterday this girl kept on calling me and asking me for help setting up her internet and computer. She treated me like a tech support agent. She kept calling every 5 seconds. My dad was making a lot of calls at the time, and he got mad. So he told my mom to tell her to call later. So she started calling every 5 seconds later onwards. I got kinda mad. She’s a fob too, and it’s hard to talk computers in Urdu. Don’t get me wrong, she’s nice and everything, and she’s going through a lot right now with her husband, but sometimes people have to understand.

I got farzana’s letter yesterday. She said me and my family should all go down to Houston for Eid. I told my mom and she was laughing. I don’t think that’s possible. But you never know =).

By the way, the picture you drew of the village was awesome work. God damn, your one hell of an artist =P.

(Masha’Allah)

I have your letter all ready with your pic and everything, but I can’t find any stamps. Sowwwyy! I’ve had it ready for 2 weeks now almost. Insha’allah today I’ll mail it. I thought we didn’t have stamps but my dad said we do.

I forgot when I got my ears pierced. I was supposed to take out the little earrings six weeks after I got them pierced but I don’t remember if it’s been 6 weeks yet. I remember writing about it in my diary that day, so I’ll just look back and check.

Hmm. My bro loves cars so darn much; he knows the name of every single freakin car in this universe. He can spot a car from miles away and name it without any hesitation. He’s only 7 too. He’s crazy. He eats so much junk food and he’s still a stick. He weighs like maybe 30 pounds or something. God damn! What is it with guys? They never get fat. They eat like pigs, and don’t gain an ounce. Here I am watching everything before I let it go down my throat.

Sheesh. Life WAS meant to be hard for girls. Especially desi girls.

My parents are considering taking away the computer, not just the internet, the COMPUTER, or the kittens. And maybe both. I don’t wanna.. But of course I don’t have a say. I’m not sure if they’re serious yet, so I’m not gonna jump to stupid conclusions. But if I disappear all of a sudden from cyber space, yall know what happened.

I wanted to put on mehendi at my Tara’s house, but I completely forgot. I had asked hira earlier and she said if the cone was good she’d do it. Later on, I totally forgot. Oh well. Insha’allah I’ll put it on eid or something..

Which reminds me, Ramadan is just around the corner. I’m not sure how I feel. I don’t wanna go thru Ramadan this year. Normally, I’d be shouting and cheering and what not, because I love Ramadan, but this time I don’t feel like it. I mean I wanna fast, but it’s gonna bring back so many memories. This Ramadan is gonna bring back a lot of memories. Good ones, but the kind that hurt to think of. And the end of Ramadan is also gonna mark two years since…yeah..

I’m scared to face Ramadan. I’m dreading the time those memories come back.

It’s weird. Most people hold on to memories in times of hopelessness and misery. I thought I’d do the same, which is why I let myself remember everything exactly the way it used to be, but now that I’m being forced to look back, I don’t wanna.

And I don’t think I’m making any sense, so I’ll just shut up.

Q of the Day: Are you excited about Ramadan?